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So Iapos;ve not gotten many a good nightapos;s sleep in well over a year. Ever since I made some tremendous breakthroughs in therapy about a year ago, itapos;s like a plug that was blocking up my subconscious was removed and a ton of stuff has been flooding out, mostly in my dreams. This is, honestly I feel, a by-product or side-effect of the changes Iapos;ve been going through, so Iapos;m not too upset about or anything, but it does affect me at times. Generally I feel somewhat fatigued because I never feel fully rested, and eventually that catches up with me so maybe once every month or two, I can barely get out of bed in the morning.

Today was one of those days. Couple that with an upset stomach and it hasnapos;t been exactly happy times for me today. Ugh. Iapos;m watching Kellyapos;s kitties while sheapos;s in London with her daughter for a week, so I still had to go down there to spend some time with apos;em, but otherwise Iapos;ve been stuck home sleeping and recuperating today. I never like taking days off that I donapos;t have to, but sometimes I guess it canapos;t be avoided. Iapos;m thinking/hoping that things will balance out and Iapos;ll be able to fully rest at night once right themselves in my wacky head, but until then itapos;s just one more thing Iapos;ve gotta deal with. Thankfully itapos;s really the only downside as to what have been tremendously positive changes in my mental health, so I canapos;t really complain too much. ;)

Anyway, hope yapos;all are having a wonderful day, better than mine at least. :)
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OMFG.�I swear, I feel like shit now.

I am so frustrated and I donapos;t know where or how will I start to explain my feelings right now. How I wish Iapos;m an extraordinary girl who canapos;t feel anything but happiness. But unfortunately, Iapos;m a human. K, so emo but whatever. I just really need to let this out.

First, I failed my Chemistry periodical exam. I got only 23 correct answers out of 60 items. What the fuck? (I told You that Iapos;ll avoid saying bad words but I just coudnapos;t, Iapos;m sorry) I donapos;t know how to react after I saw my score so I laughed. God, this would be my first time to fail a subject, if ever. And I donapos;t know how would my parents react about this also.


Second, tomorrow will be our presentation in our Language Class and I still donapos;t know what to wear and what to do. My groupmates and I didnapos;t have any praactice for this. God, help me please?


Third, I think Iapos;m losing my old friends. Not totally losing but itapos;s just that weapos;re not that close like�before. And I think itapos;s because we have different group of friends now. But I donapos;t wanna lose them. I love them.


Fourth, I feel bad for being a backstabber again. I swear, I wanna change but itapos;s hard. Human nature lol. Itapos;s hard especially� when the people around you are like that too. I just canapos;t avoid it, saying negative things about others especially when�I know theyapos;re also doing it to me. An eye for an eye, isnapos;t it? Ugh, but I know itapos;s bad :(


Fifth, my brother would still go to Chris Brown and Rihannaapos;s concert on November 16 even without me. :"( I was the one who wanted to watch that concert and my brother actually told me to ask my dad to buy the two of us tickets for the concert as hisapos; gift for my birthday. But what happened? He told me heapos;ll�be�going to watch it�with his friends even without me W-O-W. Super thanks bro You just officially made my day.. Not. I�badly want to watch that concert and you know that. :((((((((�


�

I donapos;t know what should�I feel.
I just wanna cry.

kthanksbye.
AIM�:D

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Sometimes i wonder what makes a situation so difficult. Sometimes. I dont know why people complicate things. They leave things to the dying moment in hope for repentence. Gosh. My morals are failing, they are jus fading away, corrupting itself and destroying my own principles. I wonder what it takes to make things work. Yet i know myself that i cannot change anymore. I cannot afford to do any more damage to myself to someone else. Iapos;ll make peace. And let her be right. I can take all the blame. Iapos;ll be fine. I promise myself. =)

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I was at the AAC rave on Saturday night dancing with the the whole crew for quite a while. Eventually everyone ended up being paired up with someone, but I was pretty much alone. There was this cute boy in a stomach revealing tshirt, a blue pleated skirt and black tights. Those are like 3 of my favorite kinds of clothes to see someone wear, so he was already off to a good start. He is lurking around our group of friends all by himself for a good hour. Eventually I work up the nerve to get closer and start dancing with him.

I was standing behind him and put my hand on his waist. This is pretty much the point where itapos;s going to be clear if he wants me dancing with him or not. Once I put my hand on him he backed into my arms and we kept dancing. Iapos;ve never actually tried to dance with someone I donapos;t know at an anime convention and it was going 1000 times better than expected.

I had one hand on his stomach, and my other hand was holding his. We had been dancing for quite a while and were getting pretty into it. After a while some girl comes up and grabs him away. I didnapos;t want to get involved so I just kept dancing by myself. Both of them left the rave looking pretty angry and I didnapos;t see them again that night.

The next morning I saw him dressed in regular clothes in artist alley. I wasnapos;t 100 sure if it was him so I say "Oh hey, did I see you at the rave yesterday" and out of nowhere this girl comes and yells at me "YEAH, YOU DANCED WITH HIM AND HES MINE". She was soooo pissed. Clearly itapos;s my fault that he let me dance with him and hold his hand and rub up on me. Next time Iapos;ll make sure I read his mind to see if hes taken.

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Hey guys, thanks for the birthday wishes :D

My birthday was pretty awesome. I spent it by going to the NC State Fair, and to me, fair = food.

I started out by having a Polish sausage dog. Unfortunately the place I went to, wasnapos;t very good. The peppers and onions were kinda blah. I mean it wasnapos;t bad. It just wasnapos;t AS good as a Polish sausage dog should be because of the peppers and onions being sub-par.

Next I hit up the exhibit halls to see the cake decorating contests, which is one of the few exhibits I actually care about. While there I tried a free sample of some hushpuppies (which were awesome) and stopped by the Mt. Olive booth for some 50 cent pickles.

After that it was off to the vegetable hall where I checked out the biggest melon and biggest pumpkin of the year. The biggest pumpkin was pretty big (like 660 pounds I think) but the biggest melon was just kind of okay (it was like 150 pounds? I dunno if they get much bigger but it didnapos;t look that big).

After that I stopped for some deep-fried mushrooms, which again, were only average (I have the leftovers in my fridge for eating later). Then we stopped by another building where I sampled some chicken, and then got a beef kabob (which was excellent). Stopped to get a ribeye sandwich on the way back (for later), and I also picked up some jerky at a jerky store...I got some turkey jerky, and some ostrich, buffalo, and venison jerky.

The last stop was at the flower part...which may sound kind of weird. But, the reason why is, they have like "theme" gardens that people grow stuff and decorate to a theme. Like one of the themes was "My Favorite Storybook" so there was like a Night Before Christmas themed garden and a Thumbelina garden and stuff. I dunno I just like seeing the theme gardens.

So overall it was a good day at the fair, and a good birthday overall. I actually got onto Facebook for the first time in months to see the birthday wishes there. And I canapos;t figure it out. D: The old Facebook was so easy to figure out, but this one confuses me. ._. Like I canapos;t figure out how to write on my own wall anymore? And whereapos;d all my stuff go? Like my map of where Iapos;ve been and stuff. It like vanished. -.-

Anyway Iapos;m going to try to use it more I guess. XD;; I just donapos;t like the new interface.

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OCTOBER 2008 DEBT PAYOFF

Debt payoff

$1,250 towards parent loan
$36 minimum payment towards Chase credit card
$166.94 minimum payment towards Visa credit card
Total: $1452.94

==============

Debt totals:

$0 parent loan (out of $1750) whoo
$1809.91 Chase credit card (out of $1867.19)
$9226.87 Visa credit card (out of $9367.96
$16528 Student Loans (out of $17281)
Total debt: $27,564.78 (out of $30,266.15)

Total debt paid off: $3148.94
Interest paid so far: $447.57

....

I decided that it was too complicated to list all of my household expenses down, but I will continue to post what I pay off each month.

Sidenote: Holy crap, Iapos;ve already paid almost $500 in interest these past 2 months? I canapos;t imagine how much money Iapos;ve wasted on interest rates previous to this. Granted, a lot of it is due to the large student loans, but only $20 of my chase payment goes to the principle and only $100 goes to the visa card principle. That means that 45 of my payments goes towards interest

On the other hand, Iapos;ve paid off my first major debt Let me tell you, from someone who is so independent, I have always hated relying on my parents. The only reliance I have now on them is that I pay them $12 a month to keep some sort of minimal car insurance. We were going to cancel it altogether, but then USAA said that if I hadnapos;t had car insurance for a few years, my future auto insurance would be very high. But, I pay them that money and if I get a car in a few years, then I will put it under my own name.

Also: I got really lucky this month because I got the bonus and had an extra $400 to put towards debt ($1,000 towards computer, $300 towards 10 to Lauren). I decided not to go home for Thanksgiving because the flights are $600, but I AM going home for a weekend that happens to include my birthday from my free flight ticket. Iapos;ll shell out the $$ for a Christmas flight and I think Iapos;ll go travel somewhere around the east coast for Thanksgiving since I have 5-6 days off in a row. Any suggestions?

I should be able to pay off the chase card by the end of December. Good timing since Iapos;ll have to start payments on my student loan and I think itapos;s somewhat hefty in the neighborhood of $300/month, so my debt-reducing power will seem less.

Also: I have a bed Got a killer deal on a <1 yr old ikea bedframe + foam mattress for $140 altogether. I sleep so good on it that I donapos;t wake up to my watch alarms anymore, only my phone alarm. I havenapos;t slept like a stone for so long and it feels good

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This is such a great project guys, stumbled across it when i was surfing the net for avenues to promote my ideas for female empowerment and project to raise awareness of prevalent gender inequality Would love to have your help and the members of this community�in organising an upcoming�community project�to promote womenapos;s rights and gender equality. Itapos;s pretty rough at the moment, but was thinking of organising a local concert and visits to some battered womenapos;s shelters and stuff. Any futher ideas are welcome, would love if you could help make my dream a reality:D Iapos;m a youth myself (just seventeen) and iapos;m all for youth empowerment Iapos;ll keep checking back here for updates, iapos;m really excited right now

Lots of love,
Emma Tay

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My feet are frozen, at one point it seemed as if my nose decided it has no business being about my face, I could fall asleep any minute now. I saw three foxes and two internet cafes that remained closed every time I went past them. Not the foxes, they were wonderful but hungry. There has also been a call full of regret, saying I should talk more about myself as I should always remember everything thatapos;s been done wrong has been made such out of love. I wonder how Iapos;d feel about that if I could feel at all since I sincerely canapos;t tell if this is yet another piece of feces being fed to me or not. Apparently I get to find out about that on Monday, when all will be revealed and I will have a father all of a sudden.

Separate.

Also my left hand stopped smelling wonderful and started smelling clean, just like my right hand that smelled of dog shampoo at some point. The dog in question was shivering and I could relate. The left-handed smell still comes in waves and washes over every single thing I could be thinking about and I wouldnapos;t say it puzzles me, but itapos;s certain I donapos;t know what to do about it. And would you look at that. Bathrooms are wonderful things and now theyapos;re both back to smelling of fairies. I wonder if thatapos;s what those little flying things turn into if they land on my forehead as one of them did find it quite pleasing to do just that. Three massive yawns, me being the third one. Another draft has been made but I canapos;t decide if itapos;s too shameful or not. Iapos;d find it hard to believe anything at all had happened if I had nowhere to check. Mumble, moan, more. All of these are words that are rather soft to the touch. But itapos;s impossible to think yourself into liking someone. Like me.

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Went to watch movie with another 19 pax

ARGH...

Read the review. Knew that itapos;s not going to be nice. But, well well.. Sometimes.. Different people will tend to have different taste.

So...

I decided to go ahead and stick with the gang.

I regret.

In a way la...

hahaha..

Hereapos;s what the story is all about:

Maverick cop Max Payne (Wahlberg) is hell-bent on revenge against those responsible for the brutal murder of his family and partner. His obsessive investigation takes him on a nightmarish journey into a dark underworld. As the mystery deepens, Max is forced to battle enemies beyond the natural world and face an unthinkable betrayal.

Hmmmmm,

Sis had her family birthday celebration at Astonapos;s on Thursday night.

We had steaks and etc.

OMG, I am like... 26yrs old.. And they were still trying to help me to order food as though I am 6.

ARGH....

Took photos and etc. Had fun laughing. My dad is doing fine with his new job. And I am glad that he is having a job now..

Mom smsed me to ask me to visit Granny if possible.

Well well.. Not too sure if Iapos;ve got time for that. But will definitely try to make time for it.

Lisaapos;s birthday celebration tonight Me, Sharren, Cui Hui and Diana will be acting as surprise guests Sounds cool ah haa

Will update more.

~ Do not make decisions which you know you will definitely regret. If you know you are going to regret, why make that decision in the first place? Sometimes, humans are just so insensible. ~

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